How to Write the Best FanFiction Ever
by SamtotheSecond
Summary: ...It all started with a generator... and ended with a generator...  Actually, the whole thing was a generator. With a kick-ass result!
1. Lustily Tripping? The hell?

**AN: ****_This is how you do it. Take it away, prillalar. com /drabbles. _**

**Lustily Tripping**

Nia tripped along hungrily. He was on his way to meet his lover, Mero, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a sheep hopping along, carrying a pillow in its mouth.

Nia was almost in a box when he came across a lascivious cake, lying alone on a listless plate. "That must be a treat from my intricate bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked cadaverous, so he ate it.

It gave him the most azure tingling sensation in his side. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Mero.

When Mero came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Nia cried indifferently.

"Your chest! And your face!" Mero said. "They're white! Can't you feel it?"

Nia felt his chest and his face. They were indeed quite white. "Oh, no!" Nia said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that lascivious cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Mero said. "I got you a door. It must have been that opaque man who lives nearby. He acts a little completely, ever since he touched a wall."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Nia sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Mero said angrily, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your chest is really black like that."

"Really?" Nia dried her tears. Nia kissed Mero and it was an entirely cynical sensation, plain as a wall, over-casting a deep shadow that erases upon demolition.

They spent the night having entirely cynical sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

**Now wasn't that beautiful?**

**Why don't you try your own and see how much lulz you can produce? Arrivederci. **


	2. Swear not by the emotional Transformer

**AN: _Honestly, I have nothing to say to this one but seriously. What the actual f***?_******

**_Take it away, prillalar. com /drabbles. _**

**Mello and Near**  
>by William Shakespeare<p>

_Enter Mello_

_Near appears above at a window_

**Mello:**  
>But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?<br>It is the puzzle, and Near is the teddybear.  
>Arise, insane teddybear, and stroke the outrageous Transformer.<br>See, how he leans his hand upon his side!  
>O, that I were a glove upon that side,<br>That I might touch that hand!

**Near:**  
>O Mello, Mello! wherefore art thou Mello?<br>What's in a name? That which we call a mouth  
>By any other name would smell as lustrous<br>Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a lullaby, soft and subtle and rhythmic, too soothing to ignore"  
>And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,<br>Thou mayst prove unique.

**Mello:**  
>Swain, by yonder outrageous Transformer I swear<br>That tips on the floor the perverse chocolate bar-

**Near:**  
>O, swear not by the Transformer, the emotional Transformer,<br>That coldly changes in its calculated orb,  
>Lest that thy love prove likewise calculated.<br>Sweet, beautiful night! A thousand times beautiful night!  
>Parting is such agitated sorrow,<br>That I shall say beautiful night till it be morrow.

_Exit above_

**Mello:**  
>Sleep dwell upon thy hand, peace in thy side!<br>Would I were sleep and peace, so ferociously to rest!  
>lovingly will I to my insane mouth's cell,<br>Its help to stroke, and my lustrous mouth to tell.

**Stroke the outrageous Transformer. ****Has a nice ring to it, dontcha think? And of course, we all desire for some peace in our sides and to rest ferociously. Bravo, Mello, you make absolute sense. **

**I will probably be doing this all night. It's too much fun!**

**Once again, why don't you try for yourself? See how much lulz you can produce!**


	3. Yummy

**AN: _Alright, this is the last one. Thanks for exploiting the wonders of the internet with me tonight and making dear, proud Mello and Near look like idiots._**

**_This one is slightly more graphic than the others, but still feel free to enjoy. It's just as hilarious if not moreso._**

**_Take it away, prillalar. com /drabbles. _**

**The Hasty Stranger**

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Mello strode along the path, making for Perverted Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Dark Chocolate bar, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Side.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his ablaze Tarot card just in time to face the calculated man who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.

The man struck twistedly, and Mello barely raised his Tarot card to meet the attack. They fought long and monotonously until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Mello found himself forced to one knee, the man's Tarot card pressed to his insane cock. "I am Near of Perverted Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Dark Chocolate bar. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you on the floor."

But Mello had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his Tarot card with a twist, overpowered Near and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Mello said, looking down upon him.

Near's eye shimmered like a starving animal who couldn't help but ravage and exploit his prey. "I have underestimated you, Mello. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Mello's desire was enflamed. His cock throbbed and all his thoughts were to lick Near like a dove. Mello caressed Near's lovely mouth and he responded. They came together furiously, and their joining was as strange as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet finger puppet!" Mello groaned and stroked Near as coldly as he could.

"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Mello said. "That's where I put the Dark Chocolate bar for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed lovingly on the grass, forgetful of all but their lustrous love. "We will stay together forever," Near said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Side never got the Dark Chocolate bar and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

**i'm sorry, lick Nate like a what? Too bad there isn't going to be a sequel.**

**Or is there? **

**Maybe one day I really should teach you how to write the best Fanfiction ever! But then again... I think the writer of My Immortal has that down pat.**

**Until the next update of Forevermore! **

**Adieu.**


End file.
